When I met you, I was afraid to kiss you.
When I kissed you, I was afraid to love you.
Now that I love you, I’m afraid to lose you.
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About Me
- Carolyn Soto
- Photographer, dancer, novice writer, runner, health nut and music junkie. I love sharing my life experiences through words and capturing memories through the lens of my camera.
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8 comments:
Though I only have a few moments to give, I wanted to use them wisely by leaving a note for the lovely lady of my life, DeAnna. It can be so easy to get caught up in the mundane rigors of life that we sometimes fail to pause and take a second to see what is really around us, who is around us. I'm so very, very fortunate that I have done such a thing and my reward was her, my very own personal Angel and Savior DeAnna! The challenging opportunities that lay at my front steps are now within reach because I no longer live to merely satisfy myself. I found myself content with being mediocre, getting by. You have renewed my mind and refreshed my spirit. As we continue along this journey we shall grow to follow extraordinary new paths together. I love you DeAnna, may you always see and feel this in me...-Jon..:0)
Good day my Little Angel! I'm happy to report this day that we have officially have embarked on what I am dubbing 'our first mini road trip' to San Antonio. While you will be busy with the salsa congress, I am still greatful and excited to be a part of this trip and watch you take part in an activity that leaves you happy and fulfilled. I certainly plan on coming to more events like this in the future and taking a further interest in what really makes you shine. I hope to aid you in your experiences and never hinder you. You are my first love, may we always keep each other as the foundation of our lives continues to become firmly rooted...JC
This day, I was honored to see my baby, DeAnna perform. This day, the exhilaration that flows through her veins flowed through me also as I was able to witness this rosé bloom right before my very eyes. I mean how many of us have actually seen a rosé bloom? What a beautiful sight to behold. The truth is, I have barely begun to scratch the surface of this magnificent woman. There is so much wonder and beauty to behold that my years will be very well spent. This day, I was an especially proud man, for once again I realize what a bounty of bouquets I have in store. This day, I am ready to receive them...JC
So I have found myself posting on this blog frequently these past few days. I have yet to know if you have seen this yet but the next note I'm adding is one of concern. As I lay next to you, watching you sleep, my heart seems to want to burst. I can't explain how much you mean to me. I can sense the challenges that are upon our doorsteps. You with your schooling, me with my business. We are both strong and resilient in the face of adversity but I face a new fear that it is complex. It is fear of the unknown. As, I embark on this journey to free myself from the shackles of the corporate world I see how the many difficulties of running my own business can be daunting and stressful. I am on the cusp of hosting my very own event. I have put much time, effort, and money into marketing and materials and with three days before it is to begin I have to amass one ticket sale. I know houstonians tend to be fickle and do things at the last moment but it is worrisome to say the least and coupled with the less than stellar event a few days ago, my confidence is a little shaky now. I pray that all goes well, even if it was half of what I expected , that would be fine. I am concerned. I look at you and the last thing I EVER want to do is let you down. You give me strength I never knew I had and I want to do everything possible to put us in a better place. Please continue to give me strength, please continue to guide me, protect me, love me. We will find much success for this I am certain but it will not be easy. There are many difficult bumps in the road but I am willing to work as hard as ever to achieve the life that we both deserve to live. Will you continue to be my rock, my impenetrable pillar? My life will never be the same for knowing you my Love, DeAnna.
Good morning my first love! Today I am excited because...well frankly, I'M BUSY AS HECK!!! I have a very busy and hopefully very productive week ahead. Two major events going on in the same week! I have you to thank for this because you have set a fire behind me and I am running with the wind to get a lot of work done. I do this for you my sweets. I see you in all of the pieces of my life and one day I want you to be comfortable, and not worry your little nose about stress and struggle. I truly do not live for myself anymore. You are my vision from which everything else flows. DeAnna...<3
-J.C.
Morning good morning. It has been a few days since I have written on this board. Work has definately taken its toll on both of us lately. I has been a rough couple of weeks arguably since returning from San Antonio. while I still feel strongly connected to you and do not worry about obscure things, it is painfully easy to see that things are different. I feel as if I have left your good graces. I feel as if I am second class at work, you have been significantly short with me on several occassions, I haven't felt your intimate touch since coming back from San Antonio 2 weeks ago. This saddens me because I only seek to do right towards you. We had a productive talk a few days ago and you explained some things to me that I had not been aware of, so this helped a bit. I feel terrible that we could not go on vacation like you had wanted, I know it was very important to you. I hope you don't allow this to negatively impact you/us moving forward particularly with school starting back up. I already miss you so much, not in the sense that we may not see eachother that often as the semester weans, but in that the precious little angel of mine is underneath a few layers of a distraught person whom is bitter these days. I'm strong, I'll pull through this. I would just ask that you lean on me every once in a while. We have plenty of time to do things that pleasure us and fill our lives with joy. You can get over a speed bump, there is no need to turn them into mountains. Its tough for both of us, LEAN ON ME. More later. I am praying for a productive, positive day, for BOTH of us! I Love you, DeAnna -Jon.C
Good evening my sweet love, DeAnna. I was thinking about you again and some thoughts I felt I wanted to put in print. First off, I should say that I always think about you :0)so. my correction. So, I've been reflecting on numerous things lately, always trying to put the peices together to what seems like a never ending puzzle in this thing called life. Often I wonder how and why things happen the way they do. Are circumstances placed before us to test our resolve? Was I mean't to find you or you, me? I'm I a capable enough man to truly appreciate and become a sturdy enough foundation from which you can lean? An endless bounty of questions I have. I may never find or obtain all of the answers but I am certain to the death of me that I have not, nor will ever, or even care to find another, that is as, in my eyes, as perfect for me as you are, DeAnna. Many are the struggles that lay before us. It is the 'gran orchestra of life' that befalls everyone: rich, poor, hungry, full, happy, or miserable. I WILL give you the moon, that much is certain, though I am not certain the time. I'm sure there are others, whatever the intentions are, that could give it to you with the snap of a finger and palm. I would be a liar if I didn't mention that I wish I could do the same. You just happened to fall for the guy who is just begining to write a legacy for himself...A lot of those dudes are very broke while hammering through that process :-/ In the meantime, however, the sweat and tears and blood that is relieved from me while building this foundation from which we walk becomes even more cemented. That way, when you catch this moon that I am giving you, your footing will be firmly established. Anything worthwhile, anything extraordinary, anything wonderous and astonishing takes time... (Sometimes we have to step back and realize that we arent on our own time, we are on borrowed time). NEVER let there be a question or lingering doubt in your mind that I do not appreciate every little thing you do from nibbling on my ears to asking me 'what have you done productively today?' Even though I may not say as often as I should, DeAnna, I love you like there is no tomorrow! There will be times that I have to work extra hard and it may seem like I don't care but know that I will spend a lifetime making sure you see this in every aspect of my activity; 'US' is my number one priority...-Jon.C
Dear, Jon:
It took me almost a month to realize what just happened to us. It took me almost a month to have a clear head on my shoulders and write you this letter. I hope you will take a time to read it. I pray that you will understand my feeling and realize that you were just not someone but very special for me!
Unfortunately, this chapter of our life came to the end.
As much I did not want it to happened, I am not the one who is in control.
You gave me the moon and took it back. Those stars that guarded as for a that period of time won't shine for us anymore. There is nothing worst than trying to stick leaves back on a tree that does not exist anymore.
We should never forget about most crucial source of everything, which is yourself. Another thing that we should remember is that self-love and self- approval are irreplaceable.
I do not want to stick to our past anymore and miss out something amazing that is waiting for all of us in the future. I believe there is a purpose behind everything.
It does hurts so much right now, but I can and I will make it. My wounds will heal and make me wiser and stronger!
I am thankful for the time that we spend together! I have made some incredible memories and will keep them forever. Now its the time to accept that the past is behind us. Now its the time in my life to walk with my head held high. Its really not easy for the past to make me better because this bitterness trying to win the battle, but…I know at the end it will be so worth it. Maybe we both were trying to shield ourselves from becoming everything that we meant to be. Now its the time to get that back and show back to be yourself and be free.
Its a time to set new boundaries and don't feel guilty for being a single. I very much understand that love is the risk and I decided to take it because its better than to have never loved. Even though, I came out hurt from it, I grew and learned. Those things are very important. We can't really control what happens in our life but I can control what to do with it. I found its very funny…I was so caught up worrying about our broken relationship and what I lost, that I, honestly, couldn't even realized what I gained instead. There are some things that I found about myself that I might not ever found if I had not lost you. You turned me down…you took my sun…. you took my happiness…but that lesson what I learned will, hopefully, last forever. I am very sad to let you go…. I am… but I am looking for this rejections as a new opportunities in my life. We can't force anyone to stay and we don't need to.
I don't feel anymore that I need your approval to find a value of my life or even love in my life. I stopped asking myself when this pain will end. I am brave enough to walk alone and don't be scared to even like it till I will be ready to another chapter in my life. I don't have to feel guilty for being a single. I am taking my strength back to be myself again!
I wish you lots of happiness, Jon ! I wish you to find the one whom you were looking and waiting for years! When you find that person, make sure you tell her and remind her everyday that she is your Universe that you can't exist without.
Why look for a hero? We are hero ourselves as long as we are true to the person in the mirror.
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